Saturday Morning Meditation

If someone sneezes outside of my open window while I'm meditating and I don't say "bless you" but I think it, does she still get blessed? Thinking. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale. That would sure be a funny thing to write about in my blog. Thinking. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale, Inhale. I hope I remember to write about that later. Thinking. Inhale, Exhale. I'm just going to get up and write it down. Obesssing. Inhale, Exhale, etc...

And so it went during my meditation this morning. I've recently re-committed to a daily meditation practice and am reaching my longest stint sitting every morning - a whole week! Though I've known for a while that the point of meditation is not to completely clear your mind of all thoughts, I've noticed myself lately getting more and more frustrated by my inability to focus and this morning was no exception. Strangely enough, I recently read a book on the meditation practice written by one of my teachers, Darren Main, and from what I can tell, my experience is what meditation is about. Really?

As far as I can tell, meditation is like dog training for your ego. It is a practice of sitting still with all of the thoughts and ideas and emotions running rampant in your brain and intentionally focusing your attention on one thing. I focus on my breath. Like training a dog, you want to be firm with your ego when it strays but also maintain an underlying compassion and kindness for the animal - after all, it is yours. Your ego will wriggle and jump and lick you to no end and the practice is to be diligent about asking it to settle down and return to the task at hand.

Through the practice of meditation I'm beginning to think of myself as the master of my ego, which brings with it a lot of responsibility and power. I have responsibility for the things I say and do because usually my ego is tied up in them somehow. I can let it have a bit of slack sometimes but if it starts to bite or overstep its bounds, its my job to tug on its leash and pull it back in. I also have power when I'm in charge of my ego to tell it to heel or sit and to move more in the direction of a higher intention. Looking at a candle flame in my bedroom is not a higher intention, per se., but that's why its called practice. I'm training my dog in my bedroom so that it can go out into the wider world better behaved and more able to stay at my side, rather than run out in front of me or just plain run away. My hope is, and what I've already seen on a very small scale, is that this morning ritual of exercising my ability to maintain focus will spill out into everything I do and that I can call upon my experience focusing on a flame when I want to focus on something grander. Say, making time to talk with the people I love or starting a family or creating a healthier world for everyone.

In the last few minutes of my meditation...
I'm gonna write a post about this. But is that too ego driven? Thinking. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale. Its fine, Brennan, just know that's what's up. After all, sometimes you let your dog run free, right? Its healthy for the dog. Thinking. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale. Yeah, good dog. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale...