The Yoga Embodiment Project - Take One

OMG, Photoshoot!
I've been meaning to put pictures of me doing various yoga poses up here for a while. "The Yoga Embodiment Project" was an assignment we did for class. Thanks to Lauren B. for taking these in the beautiful Oakland Rose Garden a couple of months ago...

Tadasana - Mountain Pose
Uttanasana
Utkatasana (often known as Chair) - means Powerful Pose!The Requisite Downward Dog - Adho Mukha SvasanaPlank to Chaturanga Dandasana - Don't do this too often now because of my shoulder...
Urdhva Mukha Svasana - Upward-Facing DogVirabhadrasana One - Warrior OneVirabhadrasana Two - Warrior TwoTrikonasana - TriangleParivrtta Trikonasana - Revolved Triangle (Lauren's Favorite)
Bakasana - Crane (AKA Crow)
Urdhva Dhanurasana - Upward Bow or WheelSalambasana - Shoulderstand

I'm planning to take another set of pictures after my training is done in July to see how my practice has changed. It was really insightful to see how I looked in each pose. I looked better than I'd expected but the more I learn about alignment, I know there's lots of room for improvement. I'm working on 'em and I've got to remember that I've got a lifetime of poses ahead of me...
BONUS Photos: This little girl found us in the park and was curiously watching us while her mom and aunt talked nearby. I told her we were doing yoga and asked her if she knew any poses. She said yes and excitedly joined me for Downward Dog. Then, she showed me her favorite, Volcano! It was new to me :)

Saturday Morning Meditation

If someone sneezes outside of my open window while I'm meditating and I don't say "bless you" but I think it, does she still get blessed? Thinking. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale. That would sure be a funny thing to write about in my blog. Thinking. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale, Inhale. I hope I remember to write about that later. Thinking. Inhale, Exhale. I'm just going to get up and write it down. Obesssing. Inhale, Exhale, etc...

And so it went during my meditation this morning. I've recently re-committed to a daily meditation practice and am reaching my longest stint sitting every morning - a whole week! Though I've known for a while that the point of meditation is not to completely clear your mind of all thoughts, I've noticed myself lately getting more and more frustrated by my inability to focus and this morning was no exception. Strangely enough, I recently read a book on the meditation practice written by one of my teachers, Darren Main, and from what I can tell, my experience is what meditation is about. Really?

As far as I can tell, meditation is like dog training for your ego. It is a practice of sitting still with all of the thoughts and ideas and emotions running rampant in your brain and intentionally focusing your attention on one thing. I focus on my breath. Like training a dog, you want to be firm with your ego when it strays but also maintain an underlying compassion and kindness for the animal - after all, it is yours. Your ego will wriggle and jump and lick you to no end and the practice is to be diligent about asking it to settle down and return to the task at hand.

Through the practice of meditation I'm beginning to think of myself as the master of my ego, which brings with it a lot of responsibility and power. I have responsibility for the things I say and do because usually my ego is tied up in them somehow. I can let it have a bit of slack sometimes but if it starts to bite or overstep its bounds, its my job to tug on its leash and pull it back in. I also have power when I'm in charge of my ego to tell it to heel or sit and to move more in the direction of a higher intention. Looking at a candle flame in my bedroom is not a higher intention, per se., but that's why its called practice. I'm training my dog in my bedroom so that it can go out into the wider world better behaved and more able to stay at my side, rather than run out in front of me or just plain run away. My hope is, and what I've already seen on a very small scale, is that this morning ritual of exercising my ability to maintain focus will spill out into everything I do and that I can call upon my experience focusing on a flame when I want to focus on something grander. Say, making time to talk with the people I love or starting a family or creating a healthier world for everyone.

In the last few minutes of my meditation...
I'm gonna write a post about this. But is that too ego driven? Thinking. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale. Its fine, Brennan, just know that's what's up. After all, sometimes you let your dog run free, right? Its healthy for the dog. Thinking. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale. Yeah, good dog. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale...

Mothers and Daughters

This past weekend my mom and grandmother visited me in San Francisco. It was such a delight to have them here!

I noticed some changes in myself, that I'm going to blame on the increased amounts of yoga I've been doing. In the way that only happens when you spend time with people who know your old habits well, I had some realizations about who I've become and how I still have room to grow.

Observation #1 - I don't watch TV anymore: The first day here, after we'd unloaded bags at the bed and breakfast and before the bed and breakfast's killer happy hour, we got to talking about television shows and reality stars. Although I could chime in a bit about LOST, Food Revolution and Kate (of Jon and Kate Plus 8) getting kicked off Dancing with the Stars, the extent of my knowledge about the latter two was limited to one episode each and I'd watched all of these shows on my computer. As the list grew longer and they began to reference shows I don't know about and don't care much about, I started to get peeved. Taking a step back, however, I realized, we live in very different cultures, that's it. My mom and grandma watch TV and I don't. Once I took judgement away from it, as we're encouraged to do about our thoughts during meditation, there was no good, bad or buts about it. They watch TV, I scan facebook for new pictures of pregnant high school classmates. Who am I to judge?

Observation #2 - Fatty foods: At the restaurant I began to get a headache and as I plunged my fork into my leg '0 lamb I realized that I'd been making poor eating choices all week. I'd hardly done any yoga and had blamed it on my busy schedule but I'd really been eating "comfort foods" and skipping class in an attempt to calm my anxiety about their arrival. At the dinner table, I decided to take control because I couldn't imagine a weekend with these two ladies I love so much being ruined by a throbbing head. I took some ibuprofen and made a choice to eat the meal and the meals that followed in moderation. During the weekend, where before I would have gorged myself on free, delicious food, I left last bites for others and only ate one dinner roll instead of two. My mom and grandma had already learned this lesson, I saw, as they were constantly surprised by the big portions and on several instances declined dessert. I think I'd been holding on to a notion, slowly being worn away as I do more yoga, that because I'm from Arkansas I have to maintain a hefty appetite and that I have to love all things fried in large quantities. I'm beginning to see how this was BS. I learned it from my mom and grandma this weekend, too - less can be more (health and vitality) when it comes to rich foods.

Observation #3 - I look good: I got this compliment on several occasions from both visiting parties and was pretty happy to hear it. I blame it on the yoga.

Observation #4 - My heart has opened but still has room to grow: Some of you may have already read the post I wrote a while back about allowing my scar tissue ridden heart to be opened through yoga. Well this weekend I was very aware that my heart had opened up and was beating a steady rhythm of gratitude and respect for these two remarkable women. Though traipsing around San Francisco and Oakland with them was fantastic, the best part about their visit was the time we spent together in their hotel room. I stayed with them and it was nice to just be with these two women who have been a part of my life forever, who I talk with so often but whom I rarely just get to BE with now that I live out here. We didn't have super profound conversations or talk about how we felt the whole time (and I was still peeved by the TV talk), but I could feel how much we love each other and I knew that even during the times when I wasn't able to open my heart to them, their hearts had been open to mine. I'm truly grateful to blame it on the yoga in this case.

Observation #5 - We went to bed each night around 9:30 and woke up at 5:30. I was surprised how much I liked this schedule. I think I might keep it up! Who have I become?

Now that they're gone, I'm back on a more consistent yoga routine and I'm eating greens and rice at my house rather than Macaroni and Cheese at nice restaurants. In addition to these changes, which are good for my body, I notice am having a different sensation than I have had when people have visited and left before. Whereas I used to feel equal amounts of lots of grief and lots of relief at people having come and gone, the experience now is just a toned down version of what I felt when they were here - a whole lot of love.