Mothers and Daughters

This past weekend my mom and grandmother visited me in San Francisco. It was such a delight to have them here!

I noticed some changes in myself, that I'm going to blame on the increased amounts of yoga I've been doing. In the way that only happens when you spend time with people who know your old habits well, I had some realizations about who I've become and how I still have room to grow.

Observation #1 - I don't watch TV anymore: The first day here, after we'd unloaded bags at the bed and breakfast and before the bed and breakfast's killer happy hour, we got to talking about television shows and reality stars. Although I could chime in a bit about LOST, Food Revolution and Kate (of Jon and Kate Plus 8) getting kicked off Dancing with the Stars, the extent of my knowledge about the latter two was limited to one episode each and I'd watched all of these shows on my computer. As the list grew longer and they began to reference shows I don't know about and don't care much about, I started to get peeved. Taking a step back, however, I realized, we live in very different cultures, that's it. My mom and grandma watch TV and I don't. Once I took judgement away from it, as we're encouraged to do about our thoughts during meditation, there was no good, bad or buts about it. They watch TV, I scan facebook for new pictures of pregnant high school classmates. Who am I to judge?

Observation #2 - Fatty foods: At the restaurant I began to get a headache and as I plunged my fork into my leg '0 lamb I realized that I'd been making poor eating choices all week. I'd hardly done any yoga and had blamed it on my busy schedule but I'd really been eating "comfort foods" and skipping class in an attempt to calm my anxiety about their arrival. At the dinner table, I decided to take control because I couldn't imagine a weekend with these two ladies I love so much being ruined by a throbbing head. I took some ibuprofen and made a choice to eat the meal and the meals that followed in moderation. During the weekend, where before I would have gorged myself on free, delicious food, I left last bites for others and only ate one dinner roll instead of two. My mom and grandma had already learned this lesson, I saw, as they were constantly surprised by the big portions and on several instances declined dessert. I think I'd been holding on to a notion, slowly being worn away as I do more yoga, that because I'm from Arkansas I have to maintain a hefty appetite and that I have to love all things fried in large quantities. I'm beginning to see how this was BS. I learned it from my mom and grandma this weekend, too - less can be more (health and vitality) when it comes to rich foods.

Observation #3 - I look good: I got this compliment on several occasions from both visiting parties and was pretty happy to hear it. I blame it on the yoga.

Observation #4 - My heart has opened but still has room to grow: Some of you may have already read the post I wrote a while back about allowing my scar tissue ridden heart to be opened through yoga. Well this weekend I was very aware that my heart had opened up and was beating a steady rhythm of gratitude and respect for these two remarkable women. Though traipsing around San Francisco and Oakland with them was fantastic, the best part about their visit was the time we spent together in their hotel room. I stayed with them and it was nice to just be with these two women who have been a part of my life forever, who I talk with so often but whom I rarely just get to BE with now that I live out here. We didn't have super profound conversations or talk about how we felt the whole time (and I was still peeved by the TV talk), but I could feel how much we love each other and I knew that even during the times when I wasn't able to open my heart to them, their hearts had been open to mine. I'm truly grateful to blame it on the yoga in this case.

Observation #5 - We went to bed each night around 9:30 and woke up at 5:30. I was surprised how much I liked this schedule. I think I might keep it up! Who have I become?

Now that they're gone, I'm back on a more consistent yoga routine and I'm eating greens and rice at my house rather than Macaroni and Cheese at nice restaurants. In addition to these changes, which are good for my body, I notice am having a different sensation than I have had when people have visited and left before. Whereas I used to feel equal amounts of lots of grief and lots of relief at people having come and gone, the experience now is just a toned down version of what I felt when they were here - a whole lot of love.